Last call!

12:41am: fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!
i just wrote this long fucking thing about how im slowly becoming more and more depressed every fucking day and livejournal being the piece of shit that it was 5 years ago deleted it when i hit post. thanks guys. i dont want to go to my families thanksgiving dinner, i dont want to fucking drink any more, i dont want to live in illinois anymore and sometimes like now i dont want to live anymore......

the end.

2:37pm: well it has been super nice outside this weekend. lots of riding in t-shirts and going to the beach. it was 81 today with not one cloud in the sky. amazing. now im just watching the steelers fuck the shit out of the chargers.

1:35pm: this is what you will hear as my bike passes you at 120.


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1:36pm: racing...
so ive been thinking pretty hard about this for the last few weeks. i want to devote my whole paycheck and the following ones to come to turn my street bike into a track back. ive never ridden on a track before because i dont have full leathers. but if its anything like canyon carving i should be fine. haha. nothing beats 25 mph turns and pushing 60 mph and just leaning and hoping you dont lose it on some slag.

its either that or buy my buddies 2003 cbr 954 or something and turning it into a stunt bike. it already has cosmetic damage but runs like a champ. hes just afraid to get back on it because of what happened to him. ive seen the vids and they are sick. the other day we were driving back to base and were passed at 75mph by a guy rocking a wheelie while standing on his gas tank. when ever he would change lanes he would signal. it was a glorious display of greatness.

7:17pm: well the day that i have been talking about for the past month or so is finally here! vegas bitches. not only am i stoked to go but im stoked that i get to ride there. its going to be one of the most awesome and terrible ride that is known to man. 211 mile death valley stip of just pure straightaway. lets see how fast old delorous can get up to.


other then that ive started saving up money so i can buy a spray rig and paint to paint my bike. im shooting for the 2008 jordan paint scheme. it should be sexy. maybe it'll be in super streetbike. i doubt it though. heres to trying.

10:28pm: thanksgiving was fun. but im more stoked about the ride out to vegas in 6 days. i got a new jacket for riding. its sick.

3:58pm: gay

this is going to sound really really fucking lame. it has been a while since i have gone to the bar. i cant remember the last time that i have gone to a bar and just completely let go. i think it was some time around the end of september/ begining of october.  shit has changed a lot for me. i dont know why. im bored with the whole bar scene.

i would rather do random things such as work on my bike tuning it to go faster since gas isaround 2.53. i also enjoy sitting around on friday night playing video games and just chillin.  saturdays  are just a straight up ride day along with sunday.  hit the cayons and carve my fucking name in them. its one of the most thrilling and relaxing things ever. throw the ipod on shuffle and go. i have to rain for the ride back to illinois if i decide to do that instead of go to AZ and go to MMI to urther persue my love for bikes.

in december im riding out to vegas to meet up with maz and watch my buddy fight in some tourniment.  it should be a fun time. the negro music has been at the top of my playlist for quite some time. its pretty hilarious. i would rather listen to that shit then some good ole punk music now. i fear that i have been watching biker boyz too much.

12:09am: i think that posting in this once every 9 weeks is pretty fucking hilarious. so lets see where this takes me.


lets go with the pros of life rather then the cons. i got my bike back about 3 weeks ago and well it runs like a fucking champ for reals. i now actually have an M class cali license. i had some mods done to my bike. well more like $5,600. all of which includes a $1200 full racing exaust and some vortex rear sets which runn around 300 bones, and the list goes on and on.  i have basically been living in my buddy bo and jeffs apartment. so life is pretty fucking sick right now. i feel like im doing shit.


the new G.I. bill is fucking awesome. its actually making me want to go to school out in cali. why? because al of my friends are out here and the navy pays for it now. they give me 80,000 to live out on town for four years. and if i move into this house with bo next year well then im going to stay out here forever. why wouldnt i? its cali and well i can ride 12 months out of the year.

the ship is in the yards which means we just clean allllll day. instead of coming home for xmas/new years, im going on a (booze) cruise somewhere.

4:05pm: today at 9 am i laid my bike down and slid 35 feet. im in pain haha. my insurance is going to go up from 250 to who knows. im pissed.

9:10pm: ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.......... im not coming home till next september. instead i will spend christmas and new years out in san dog for the simple fact of vegas is totally better then dg.

11:01pm: hey hey i dont know if you knew this but im back in san dog. its fucking awesome. im havuibg a hell of a time. its awesome i already aid that im drunk. laters.

12:53pm: this will be the last one for a while.
i dont even know where to start with this one. there are so many thoughts going through me right now. i dont even know why im going to update or even write shit in this other then im going on deployment. the one thing that i wanted in the past is here and i dont want it to be. ive grown comfortable with san diego, how things are working, and so on. its going to be a rough nine(i always shoot for the worse) months. the long hours, repetitiveness, and just a the daily grind to the next day. there will be a lot of fights and disagreements. people will be on wits end and be stressed out for the sheer fact that they cannot see there families or talk to them other then trough email. and if youre lucky you'll get to use a pay phone on the ship to call someone.

email will be down most of the time or being heavily monitored. making sure that we dont give away any specific information. my roommates will be the same people that i work with. all 87 of them. fucking shit. part of me doesnt even want to go back to san diego and just wants to stay here. the other half is saying im a pussy if i dont go. i am. if i didnt go and just went UA i would feel like such a pussy. this shit can only make me stronger. in one of my previous entries i talked about how i had gotten good at saying good bye to people. i think that was more or less towards me saying peace to people and knowing that im going to come back.


i dont know if im coming back from this trip. i highly doubt that we will get attacked but there is always that chance. there is also the chance that during an evolution that i get hurt. its fucking scary.in the past year or so due to certian circumstances ive learned to show emotion and not be such a cold hearted dick and not care anymore. its a lot harder then i thought. i need to go back to being a cold hearted dick just because its going to make this shit so much easier.

this week i have hardly seen my family. and the reason for that is that friends come and go. i dont know when im going to see them next. it sucks that i didnt get to see certian people just because of school and me not having enough time to do what i want, and the fact that people work. if i didnt get the chance to see you while i was home im extremly sorry.to the people that i did get the chance to hang out with/ chill with for a day or even a few hours. thank you. these will be the last memories i have of you for the next how ever long. and i hope that they were decent. other then that im gonna miss you fucks.  so i hope that you have a great rest of the winter and if youre lucky i'll see you all in the summer/ spring when i get back.

happy birthday, holidays, new years, and what ever else you practice in advance. peace im out.

10:48am: deathmask devine
looking out my window and just seeing a cloud of haze gray all around is hilarious. the city looks like any typical smoggy day but a little darker. there are ashes floating around, and the air is thick as a nigga that eats fried chicken all day.  i cant even smoke my lungs hurt so much. i need to get out of here before i burn.



removal of the eyes gives my heart a saddened chill
I preserve them in formaldehyde
to gaze upon at will
how their greenish flecks befill me
that starlit winters night
how I lost all that I ever was
while locked within their sight
before you sits a broken man
your fragile pinkish heart in hand
peculiar how it can hurt so bad
while love is only in the mind
I sew the gaping chestwork
each thread is made with love
the bosom where I would rest my face
is covered in your blood
no
this is not the end
you'll live on eternally
oh
lord its not the end
my secret you'll forever be
I interrupt this transformation
a familiar lust swelling in me
a long and soulful kiss
the shades are drawn the living world cant see
the coil of entrails
how curious the smell
so pungent to my eager nostrils
hands further compelled
no
no its not the end
forever you'll be in my arms
I could never let you go
my darling cold and blue
I wonder are you dreaming still
spread eagle blood removed
I weave the sucking trocar
beneath your bruising skin
tonight I'll lay beside you darling in necromantic sin
pinned to the bed sheets like a prized butterfly
you're mine
I hear your voice so precious echoing deeply inside
I did my best to love you
while you did live and breathe
this tender taxidermy
trophy of the bereaved

1:57pm: i dont even know why im writing in this. there is nothing that i havent  written about in the last month. im almost moved back on the ship and good to go  for deployment. i cant wait for leave. one last hoorah with the few friends i still have left/ that are home. should be a good time. the last few have been fun so why wouldnt this one be? vacation is sweet. its sad to say but "going home" is more or less me flying back to san diego and not flying to dg.


maybe one day dg will be home again but i highly doubt that. im tempted to stay out here on the west cost. or for a little after i get out. just to decide what i want to do with my life after this one. ive led the simple life for the last two years. ive had people who have had my back. and now most of those people are leaving right before deployment. jeff might not be going because of his knee, tony is done because of his heart, and others have just done their time and gotten out.

now i have to start pretty much from scratch . and feel out who i can trust and who i cant. i just hope that i make BM3 so i can be the one petty officer that people can turn to for help and have their backs. im tired. ive been running back and forth from here to the ship in hopes of being completely moved out and  moved in at the same time.

i need to eventually go to the nex to buy new coveralls and new boots because i just turned my new ones into work/ painting boots. im expecting to spend around $200 bones on uniform shit. only because i have to buy crows incase i make bm3. that shits expensive. its like 5 bucks a patch and i need 30 of them. i might have to dip into my savings account on leave just so i can have a good time.

4:44pm: so i have been smoking less and less. last night i had 8 total cigarettes. today ive only had 2. one when i woke up and one right after i ate. i think this time i might be able to do it. i still have a shit ton to do before i go on leave. i had planned on quiting on deployment but i guess i could get a head start. start getting my body clean again and eliminate junk food and all this other shit. ive been coughing up black shit for the past week or so. doc told me that it was all the dried up blood from my lungs. gross.


im pretty hooked on melt bananas new album. its like a poppy grind/punk. good stuff. as much as i try to listen and like the new minus the bear i cant get into it.  i'll just stick to journey or bon jovi when im in need of something awesome and calm.

6:05am: last night i literally drove all but one of my friends to the airport/ watched most of them leave.  the one that is still here is broke dick and cant go out to the club. i guess its up to me and hanley to live it up and kill everything. none the less its going to be a boring and lonely week. though now i have 2 cars. pat gave me his when i dropped him off this morning. now there is no excuse as to why i shouldnt have  some more ink done by the time im home.

11:48am: the last underway before deployment is over... now its all business. i got an award today. i got an award for standing around and supervising people work haha.  i guess the ship received many comments from high ranking officers and other people that are in high places about how great the ship looked. thats what happens when you spend $150,000 on paint to make it look good for one night. other then that i cant wat to live it up on leave and kill.

3:18pm: i need to get back in the swing of writing shit out. i do it a lot underway on watch. there is so much time to think about your life and where you stand and how you feel about shit. in two weeks i filled up 2 or three books full of just thoughts about shit. and it made me feel a lot better that i got that shit off my chest. from things about work and my life outside of work.when im not bullshitting with people or just in my rack i just think and it gets to be too much. i hate thinking, i like just going with the flow of shit. call me a fag or whatever, i dont give a shit nigga.


last night was a blast. i had a lot of fun drinking my woodchucks and rocking out to 80's music. but it always seems like erica starts shit between johnny and jeff. they always seem to fight about stupid shit and it seems like shes the ring leader of it all. fucking gay. whats rule number one about partying? dont go somewhere bummed out or get bummed out at a party. i left because i was trashed as shit. got back to my room(on base) and proceeded to sleep. after a hour of sleep jeff calls me and needs me to come and pay his tab. i should have told him to fuck off and just went back to sleep but that would have  been mean and i would have  been a shitty friend. so i get there after taking a cab, and pay his 150 bar tab and we leave. man was that a shitty ending to a decent night.i was knocking on doors and waking people up asking if i could use their cars to pick him up. haha at 230 am. thats the one great thing you get in the navy. you may have a lot of friends or whatever. but how many people do you know that will do shit like that for you... not many. i can honestly say that i have one or two friends in the civilian world that would do that for me or even that i truly trust that much. that just about sums shit up.

12:28am: My best friend from the navy is home!!!!
this last week was a well deserved and well needed break away from shit. i had a good time and i'd say only one night was i drunk. the last one. my not drinking for 2 weeks gets me wasted quick. haha. by far the first night was the most hilarious/terrible night ever. soto called me drunk as fuck asking me if i knew where gas lamp pizza was and if i could pick him up and then me telling yes and i was in chicago. his reply was i'll be waiting there. haha. im going to miss that mother fucker.

im thinking that this is sad but true. mr. greeks is my new jims? sadly i didnt eat the castle. i blame that on me not having a car due to flat tires. there is always next time before deployment. i will probably make more of an attempt to see others then i did this time. this i guess was just a low key chill out for me with nothing going on.

good luck chuck fucking blew chunks like i did after i took a shot of tequila. i cant keep that shit down.

thanks for the hilarious times niggs.

deployment is coming up if you want any shit from countries let me know. ill exchange shit that i buy for porn. seriously.

2:15pm: dg is boring but being 21 makes things so much better.

2:09pm: im papa ginooosh and im here to get fucked up!
so now that i have a little free time and not running around like a jack ass with a bomb strapped to my head. lets talk about things.


this new captain sucks dick. gung ho mother fucker. sleeves cannot be rolled up. news flash its fucking 90 degrees out side.  and im fucking hammered. and its going to be around 130- 140 in the fucking gulf.  ass clown. no crazy hat friday? why not who cares. its fun.


none the less this underway was long and seemed like it was never going to end.  there was lots of shit going on at once. when we swung the boats for the last time it got out of control like a mother fucker. its gonna be hard to explain this in words. line 5 got caught on something on the PL and ripped it off. it flew across half the flight deck and almost knocked people out. this was due to incompetent 2nd classes who dont know how to run a line or the evolution.


other then that it was watch, evolution, so on and so on.  there was no time for sleep when you had a late watch and an early revillie. i was averaging anywhere from 1- 2 hours a sleep a night for 2 weeks. it was rough. on my off time i wanted to study or beat my dick but that wasent happening. haha.

the highlight of this underway and i dont even know why im typing this because its so sick and hilarious. while standing aft lookout we were steaming at about 20 knots with wind speeds at around 40-50 knots. i was jerkin my shit and when i blew my load it flew around 30 - 40 yrads and finally hit the water.  night vision is awesome for tracking that shit at 3 am in the dark.. the shooting stars were pretty sweet too.


im going to happy hour before i get on a plane. this could be bad or good. either way its gonna blow chunks.

4:43pm: oh man last night was fun as hell. happy hour was great. long islands are cheap. and well seeing as how my morning was it was just awesome. drinks, dancing, bitches!


today was a good reminder that there still are some people that look out for you. the brick house, or denzel washington  as we call him saved me when i showed up to work 2 hours late. he kept it on the dl which is fucking awesome. i guess i didnt hear my alarm or something and they sent jeff who spent the night somewhere else to come get me. thats a fourty minute drive and even worse in morning traffic. but yeah i went to work and just started working. no one said shit. they asked me if i need to go to classes. i said why not. ive shown up to work drunk the  past 6 out of 7 days. not a good start.

my mom is being a total bitch about me using my home saving account to buy the bike. this is one sexy ass bike. 2,000 worth of after market products, custom paint job, and 4,200 miles for an o6. all for a whopping 7 grand. i'll post a pic of the paint job. except its an old pic and the it still has parts that werent painted then and are now.

3:48pm: im not really sure how i feel right now. its definitely not fucking happy.  its far from it. i feel like nothing in my life makes me happy anymore. there is no fucking motivation what so ever, i find my self want to get drunk every hour of the day due to how much i hate my fucking life. i would trade away all the friends all of the fun that ive had in the last 2 years to get out of the military. all of it. i would rather go to cod for the next 6 years of my fucking life then work for the navy. never in my life have i seen some one so heartless, two faced,  and just a straight coward.

"your grandpa is dying? so what..."  heaven forbid  that one deck seaman wants to go visit his grandpa before passes away. one deck seaman out of almost 80. do you really need 80 fucking people to sweep one fucking place? the fact that he says he has his friends spying on people from the ship is just gross and foul. the fact that he says he is gunning for the po's makes me even sicker. how are you going to sit there and think that thats right to say to a group of people? do you want to work for some one that says hes out to fuck you? i sure as hell dont. do you want to work for some one that has the captains and xo's dick shoved so far down his fucking mouth that words come out of his ass?  fuck you you fucking jack off.

you call my fucking friends worthless red necks who wont amount to anything when they get out. let me ask you this question if you are such hot shit then why dont you go out and get a job outside of the military?  oh yeah because youre a dumb ass and wont get anywhere either.

some times you have to make sacrifices to get what you want. yeah like not see my family and friends before a nine month fucking deployment where i dont even know if im gonna come back walking or in a fucking body bag? maybe you dont have friends or a family. i dont know i dont fucking care. friends and family are the only people that keep me going when times get rough. when i can get drunk with the people i always call when im drunk is a fucking outstanding time and feeling that you cant replace with anything.

if i were going to come home on the days i wanted to it would be the last time anyone talked or heard from me for maybe the next year or so.

thats enough ranting for one day im sure i will write more about i tomorrow night.

10:34am: well seeing as how there is a first time for everything.
this is kinda a funny/ awesome story. it was an end to a great night maybe the start to something new because its fucking fun and gets your heart pumping like no other.

so on friday night i think, i dont know ive been drunk and showing up to work in the same way i left the bar for a week. saw super bad and the whole time  i was in the theater cory and keenan kept calling me to come out with them.  bo and jeff drop me off and and change into some nice clothes and head downtown. start drinking in an irish pub and go over to henrys to dance. met up with this bitch kim that i met the night before. start dancing and drinking heavily. then we close the bar down, talk on the street and decide its time to leave.

were walking down the street start talking shit top these two hot bitches and then their boyfriends come over and start talking shit to us. we start talking back and dude says something like keep talking and im gonna hit you. cory looks at him sticks his face out and says hit me bitch. gets hit and then says thats all you have pussy? and it was on. at the time i was on the phone with maz. soi hung up and keenan was on the ground and getting friendly with the wall and this dudes fist. i ran over and kneed the fuck right in the side of the face. cory was still holding his own with 3 other dudes. then i start getting punched in the face and the dudes fucking left.


fat lip.

the thing im most pissed about is my 70 dollar shirt getting blood on it.

2:05pm: thursday nights are the best night to go out. why because flock of 80's plays. i need to find a club that only plays 80s music so i can rock out like no other. last night was fun. cant wait to kill in dg again. a break is needed.

6:02pm: something + nothing = nothing
how does kmay feel about certain things in his life right now?

lets see.

deployment?  bring it on. i hope i make it back.
farva going to the brig? fuck man enjoy bread and water and dont fucking drop the soap unless you swing that way.
coxswain school? cant wait..
panda express? i love how you are right down the street.
the big bang  in sept of 2007? i hope i live through it.
plunket? thanks for the cd dudes. yes t plunk himself sent me a cd.
my fourth ipod? i go through these faster then an big time actor goes through a marriage.
new tattoo? maybe a sexy dame on my calve?
training on how to do something safe? is more or less actually unsafe.
airsoft? fuck i love it. cant wait to bring it home?
making out with fat bitches? has come to an end at 2. i never did get to feed them hot dogs.
motivation? at an all time low.
the forcastle? i run that mother fuckin shit.
boners? i love getting rid of them.

11:20am: im going to have a kid.
thursday night was awesome. blacking out for 3 hours and still drinking in those three hours is amazing. i cant wait for coxswain school. 3 weeks of driving boats around, no duty, no work, just fun and learning. i need to study for my test. i need to make e4 so i can fucking make mo money in the gulf.

there is something that i want to tell the whole world but i think i'll just tell a select few people about it.^^^^^^^^

1:02pm: so rather then talk and bitch about how busy and shitty this underway was i talk about the good part.

seeing the marine recon team do a boarding was cool as hell. the had a ch 46 helo with two snipers flying around a boat  telling the boat where all the people were. the 11 meter rhib is fucking sexy as hell. 40 + knots with dual caterpillar 3126 turbocharged diesel engines. the guns they had were boneriffic.  m4s with a nice sexy 500 bone red dot sight, suppressor, and all types of other sweet shit. on west pac i hope i get to drive the 11 meter that we are getting.


so now for the great part. im going to coxswain school right before west pac. it should be fun. that means i dont get to go on pom leave with the ship.

8:37pm: i think last night was the worst dollar drink night ive ever been to. it was so crowded that you couldnt really dance. not to mention there was a shit load of italians there.  they didnt speak english, they smelled, and most of them were dudes. i had like 4 cigarettes which i guess is a good thin but when i drink i need to smoke. so i left and went outside of the patio area and had to wait 40 minutes to get back in. other then that i got fucking blitzed in the 3 hours i was there.


i have to get up at 3 to go to work at 4. talk about shitty. underway for 7 days. should go by quick because its gonna be fucking busy as hell. just about everything the ship is capable of we are gonna do in 7 days. there are gonna be a lot of vbss boarding which should be fun. they were last time.

i really wanted to get trashed tonight but we have to get to the ship to early so im probably gonna pack real quick and just go to bed after wards.

gayest post ever.

6:52pm: farva went to see the old man today. and its out of franks hands so it looks like farva is going to good ole court marshal. he did some fucked up things so i guess you could say he got what he deserved. still im probably gonna be sad when he leaves. well with my cold and not giving a shit about people personality i should be able to move on quite quickly. fuck im a dick.


in other news the lanyard i made is now completed. it took some time figuring out the knots and what i wanted to do with it. i think it turned out pretty sexy. it needs to be dyed again because the black looks faded. here is a picture of it.

7:07pm: why did you let me make out with a fat bitch?
haha this trip was quite fun. for the amount of money i spent it better have been. the first night we pulled into the everette naval base and painted the sides of the ship. we had a paint float going. i was pushing off the pier and managed to fall into the drink and love everything. it was fucking freezing. but that doesnt stop me from painting for the next 4 hours.

now lets get to the fun parts, seattle.... the first night was just supposed to be a nice quiet night out. have a few beers and dinner. it turned into a drinking fest at cowgirl. then they started the bull riding bullshit. haha. it kicked my ass. and that was the highlight of the night. it was pretty dead because it was a school night.

the second night we went out in our whites and were on a mission to score some pussy but ended up riding the bull at cowgirls.


friday night was awesome. hahaha. i only have a few memories and a few pictures.  we went to this club called trinity. it was pretty tight. it had three rooms. hip hop, rock, and house. i spent most of my time in the hip hop room because thats where everyone was. i ended up talking with some bitch that just turned 21. i danced with her not realizing that she weighed like a 150 lbs. thats like 400 lbs if youre a male and gross.  but the 150 bones spent on long islands kinda made me not care. we got kicked out of the club and went to another. where some how we ended making out. hahahaha. *inserts rat poision in drink and chugs/ points gun at head and pulls trigger* thats all i remember other then running 2 miles back to the ship drunk as shit.

saturday night i did a little better with the ladies. i met a 25 yr old preschool teacher. and basically danced and made out with here but fellner got kicked out for being to drunk. she said something fucking hilarious like wanna come back to my place and grade papers. haha. fuck she was hot.

8:13pm: good news actually very good news....... so my divo is a piece of shit. the 2nd division divo is awesome. she got me a number to an army recruiter and gave me his number. i called him and he said when we get back from seattle to stop in the office and we can fill out a DD293 form( request for separation ) and turn it in... and then see if the navy will let me go early. im so happy.

3:55pm: so seeing as how drunk i was this morning last night must have been awesome. went to a dive bar for 2 dollar tuesdays. started off with 3 or four beers then  more people started showing up and so did the shots. first was a glass of scotch on the rocks. i took it to the face as johnny would say. then 2 jager bombs, followed by a three wise men on a turkey hunt( jim, jack, jose and wild turkey), a few liquid cocaines and then more beer, and a few whiskey and cokes. the best part was when my dad called me after the three wise men shot. he said i was going to turn into my brother. haha. i remember bits and pieces of what happened after that. i was going to call people but couldnt figure out how to use my phone. then i woke up sitting on a couch sitting up. it was a good night and from what people told me i had a good time. i threw up too. everything i wanted to do on my birthday was accomplished. and yes throwing up was in there.

this morning pt was horrid. running five miles did not feel good considering a mile and a half in to it i tripped and fell and scraped the shit out of my knee. im awesome.

3:00pm: now i know why all my friends are always broke. not only do they spend all their money at the bar but the clothes that  they buy to go to the bar are expensive as fuck..... needless to say i spent a shit load today. some of which i need like new boots and coveralls for work but everything else is strictly for bars and shit. i need a money management class to help me through the soon to be broke ass me.

10:03pm: today i got drunk at around 2 or 3. then took a nap. woke up and now i feel like complete dog shit. ive been coughing and my nose has been all stuffed up and shit. im just gonna go back to sleep and fucking wake up for work tomorrow. how fun. this little cold of mine will not stop me from throwing up on my birthday. other then that last night was hilarious.


came to the barracks to drink with cory and keenan. at around 230 fellner called and asked if i was still up. he came over and pretty much passed out on my bed in the barracks. i was pretty irate because the top bunk has no sheets or pillows. i slept on a bare mattress. awesome.

6:01pm: yes!!!!!!!!!!
GREENWICH, Conn., June 5, 2007 /PRNewswire via COMTEX News Network/ -- U.S. Smokeless Tobacco Company (USSTC), a subsidiary of UST Inc. (NYSE: UST), announced today that the company will introduce an all new line of premium moist smokeless tobacco (MST) products designed to make the company's core brand, Copenhagen, more approachable for adult smokers. Available at retail beginning September 17, the new Cope(R) line will feature smooth, natural tobacco tastes in three long cut varieties: Smooth Hickory, Whiskey Blend Flavor and Straight.

11:41pm: yep so im definetly stealing internet right now. this place is un fucking real. now im going to go sleep on my couch and go to work tomorrow.  itty bitty kitty needs to get the fuck off this couch before i kill it.

11:10pm: this is going to be so fucking unreal. im so fucking happy right now. this is going to be the ultimate party house. instead of throwing a party this sunday we are going to throw it when we get back from seattle. i cant fucking wait. everything that we have we didnt pay a fucking dime for. in a month or so we are gonna buy a pool. the only thing that sucks is no internet so i'll probably update this less and check awesomes less, but who gives a shit anyways? i have a fucking chubby thinking about it right now.

4:58pm: im totally moving into a house  tomorrow. yes!!!!!!! fuck the barracks!

4:50pm: monday im going to have  a meeting with 1st lt. and the reason for that is my blue to green chit.  and when they ask me why i want to go to the army im going to tell him that i would feel safer in a fucking convoy with us driving straight into a mine field than on this fucking boat.

7:12pm: im a pussy bitch. i have no will power what so ever. i cant do anything i set my mind to do. once again i broke down to the sweet feeling of nicotine. i couldnt help it. i was so over worked and fucking stressed out that i had to smoke. i didnt even bring smokes or chew on this underway and yet i found myself on the smoke deck smoking. as long as im on this boat i will smoke. as long as im in the navy or even military i will smoke. its just how its gonna be. i realize this and well im content with it. i dont fucking care anymore.


i dont even want to talk about how much pac is going to suck. we cant even make it 2 days with out breaking. how are we going to make it 9 months? "we are the most ready LPD in the fleet" hah ok.


the only funny thing that happened with this underway was this dick bag asshole guy from the dubuque. they did line handlers for us. and this douche bag threw our lines in the water. so we flicked him off said fuck you and all sorts of shit. then he said "i'll be waiting on the the peir when you guys get back" we laughed and had a good time. so then we are pulling back in and there he is. talking shit to us. he says hes gonna go change and wait for us at the end of the peir.  there is one fucking thing that you dont want to do. that is fuck with a group of boatswains mates that are out for blood because their week just blew donkey dick. then after the acomb ladder was down we(15 of us) ran to the place where he was sitting and asked if he wanted to fucking throw down.  i think he wanted to shit himself. it was fun. i wanted to beat the shit out of him.


in other news i ripped the sleeves off of a shirt wrote xthrashx on the bottom of the bill on my hat and have on a pair of size 30 pants. im ready to drink and kill tonight.

8:43pm: remember this shirt?
this was basically my motivation to lose weight so i could fit in it. now i do . i got in trouble for wearing it today because we can talk shit about the pres. haha.


tanning naked is awesome. except when you sit down and your ass hurts 24/7

1:24pm: im giving quitting smoking another go. i know as soon as i turn 21 and go to the bars and clubs it will start up again. but eh its worth a shot.


my eating habits have changed once again. im eating less in general. more water and less food. haha. see ya later fat. soda is cut out of my life. an energy drink will do just fine for lost carbs and shit. my calorie intake must be in the low thousands. yeah im dumb but whatever.

11:33pm: seeing how i have a shit load of money saved up right now i can either do 3 things with it.... save it, buy a m249 which has dropped in price by about 300 bones, or just get some new ink. ive hit a slump in ink and want some more. its just a matter of getting over there and figuring out what i want to get done. the greek idea is high up there followed by a pin up girl. placement of these wonderful works of art are also a hard decision to make. i want to even out my arms but at the same time i want to start on my calves . fucking some much shit to do not enough money. i cant wait until i go for a job interview and get turned down because im covered in tats from head to toe. i also want a pig and rooster on my feet.


last night was a small party at jocks. it was fun. we played mass amounts of beer pong and a long and killer game of 3 man. 2.5 hours worth. at that point i switched to captain and cokes to see how fucking wasted i could get. i need to start playing that more often seeing as how you get so fucked up playing it. its a good fucking time. after that we called up the ship because we were bored. dave and robert were on watch so we talked to them for a hour or two. according to some people i have an awesome sober face. last night i was trashed. i was already in the  garbage can waiting for the garbage truck to pick me up and people just thought i was tired. i could walk straight and everything. i kinda slurred my words but not to bad. made some drunk phone calls when i got back to my prison cell.

robert called me after he got off work this morning at around 730. he saw how drunk i sounded and decided that he would get a ride from some one else. then at 930 he called again and we went to mcdonalds. so fucking delicious when you are drunk. i just laid around all day today. didnt do to much today other then wash clothes and iron. im tired as shit right now. i dont want to work tomorrow.

12:42pm: so its the 4th of july. i think im going to take it upon myself to hold some bombing. you know a  box of high powered explosives thrown into a large group of hajjis while screaming "happy fourth of july you pole smoking camel fucking fags".

11:44pm: transformers was so badass!!!!!!!!!!!!! im glad i fucking left work early to see it.

5:47pm: oh my fucking god.... the rooms that i cleaned today were fucking gross as hell. i cant even describe how nasty they were.... i found a cup of an orange liquid in it and was like grooossssssss.. threw it in the lawn and almost threw up because it was old piss that was just sitting there. there was dog shit on the floor. hahaha oh man i feel like i just got out of a german shiesta party and golden shower party.


last night i opted out of the bar and drank with keenan and looch. 3 of us in an hour or so finished a handle of captain. i was blitzed. a few people were blessed to hear me rock out to some quality songs. i only expect to do it again tonight.

12:21am: the san diego county fair is fucking awesome......... the first night we saw the gym class heros, tonight me and nemo saw the all american rejects. getting trashed and hitting on little girls is so gross yet extremely funny. and then july fourth slayer is fucking playing. you better bet your ass i'll be there with all the nu metal kids...  for some reason i went out in the clothes that i wear to the bar. man i looked like such a fucking douche tonight but it was hilarious.

4:04pm: i brought a stereo to work yesterday and well it passes the time like no other. the play list consisted of doomriders, heavens, black print, van halen, and other random mix cds. shit gets stressful when our inventory says that were supposed to have 3 and we dont have any, or the one that we have is checked out. i spent all last night all the way until 1030 cleaning and arranging shit. earlier that day we had a class bravo fire drill. that means lovely FFE's. man i hate those shits. i also had a fun time climbing 40 feet up and down the jacobs latter.  it was windy and that bitch was swinging like all hell. none the less my fucking arms and shoulders hurt like all hell. listening to drunk messages at 430 am is fucking hilarious and everyone at work gets a kick out of them.


im going strong on not dipping anymore, with the exception of the few times i dipped on the underway. my smoking is also coming down. i went through 6 smokes today. which is usually at around 15 for a normal work day from 6 to 4. im content with 6 a day.


people keep talking about chris benoit . who fucking cares. no one has watched wrestling since 6th grade.

"dude did you hear about chris benoit?'
"no, why did he do a double back flip off the top rope into an elbow drop and pin someone on raw?"
"no but he did kill his family and himself"
"what a bitch"


deke has been talking about going skydiving. i for one am all for it.

4:55pm: im a hotdog.
29 days...

there are just hot girls and then there are hot girls with tattoos. the bitch at the tanning place has  full sleeves on her arms and it just dead sexy. if i wasent so fucking hot in the tanning bed i would have beat my dick.


now for some real deal holyfield shit. im in charge of the bos'n locker.(i issue out supplies). man right now its fucking rediculous. no one knows where shit is but once we get organized its gonna be skate. we just sit and wait. i think ive wrote about this before. but hell i dont give a shit.



i keep reminding myself how awesome seattle is going to be. as of now i dont fucking mind going out to sea to go there. its gonna be a good time. that also means a few months until deployment. im looking forward to it. wog day is gonna be a great time. wog day is when you cross the equator, the people who havent crossed the line are wogs and the people who have are shell backs. im gonna be a wog. so that means the shell backs get to tell you to do stupid things. jeff already has it planned out. im gonna be laying on the ground and have ketchup and mustard poured on me and then i have to roll around yelling im a hot dog. haha it should be fun.


this saturday im going to be getting drunk in a 2.1 million dollar house with jeff and fellner. jeff, johnny, and bo are moving in. so me and bobby are going over there to clean. the back yard is bigger then the flight deck on the ship. we are gonna have a slip and slide set up so you just slide right into the pool.